Let's face it: you've a pretty handsome face in the right light. After a drink or three, you're down right luscious. The problem with your face though is that it is too hard. Too many bones and pointy bits. Alas, if only your abs were as hard as your face, your photo would sell jeans on the high street.
I was just thinking about you.
Think of someone that you like. Right now - the first person to pop into your head.
Now, if you could only share with this person that you now think of them.
Birthday gift for my girlfriend
She is a special lady. Here is a gift idea for her.
Mother's Day Gift
Mum is tough to buy for. You feel guilty because you never call anymore so you spend a mint on her. Don't be daft, Jim. Just send her a smiling pillow head.
Sorry I could not make it to your party
Right. I sent my pillow head in my place. Please do not draw on my face when you get drunk.
Father's Day Present
The old man is sick of those neck ties you keep buying him, and his closet is full of dusty gadgets. As long as he's not going to use it, he ought to have a laugh.
For the octogenarian that has everything
You can't show grandmother anything without batteries that she has not seen before. Make sure she is sitting down when she sees it - we almost had to take Nana to the hospital.
Valentine's Day Gift
Worst case scenario, she can practice voodoo on it after you dump her.
You must be tired of acting surprised at gifts, and you are a bad actor.
What better way to celebrate rabbits and garish eggs than with a levitating heads?
Alabaster Kenny is a native English speaker from the Eastern boarder of the Western Hemisphere. He writes about things which make him smirk and has spent the last thirty years tying his own shoelaces, thanks mum.